The Only Thing For Sure Is Change
My room's in this huge mess right now. We just repainted the whole house and did some refurnishing. Got a new coat of paint in my room. Mom's been nagging at me forever to clean up the stuff that I don't need. So I've been rummaging through huge boxes of my stuff. Some of the stuff I found:- Pencil box used in Primary 1
- English Compos written back in AC
- Diary...no let's be more manly, ahem, JOURNAL kept in OCS
- Stacks of Christmas/ Birthday cards dating back to 2001 (Yes so rest assured if you send me anything, it'll be well kept after)
- Angel-Mortal notes from NJ days
- Long lost photos
- Soccer trading cards (World Cup 1994 anyone?)
And I still have 4 more boxes to go through.
I'm a really sentimental person, I just can't bring myself to throw away some of these things, even though they serve no purpose to me at all, except to bring back the feeling of nostalgia.
What surprised me was how much I've changed over the years. From my journal entries I've seen some of my views change, about relationships, people, God, and plans for the future. I actually wrote a mission for myself back in 1998, saying that i had to help all the poor people in the world. The plan was to rent a truck in Bombay and throw bread into the crowds to feed the poor (serious!). Dunno if i can bring myself to do that now. Things just get so complicated as you get older. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. I really crave the child-like innocence that Jesus says we all should have. Unfortunately, innocence is something that can't be restored once it's lost.
Another thing which I find sad is how human relationships seem so temporal. Looking through the many notes I've exchanged with friends, I probably only keep in contact with a small handful of them now. Worse, how notes written by some people are so warm and loving, but looking at these people now, I just feel nothing but hurt. It's scary how fast human dynamics can just change in an instant.
Been through some really shitty situations in the past 4 years. Before then, I was really sheltered thinking that everyone's living in a happy world. I guess you can only come out stronger and wiser from all these trials, and for me, I'm sure there's plenty more to come.
The only constant all these years really has been God watching over me. I really feel like such a hypocrite sometimes, only going to God in times of need. Dammit. I'm just so unworthy. And yet time and time and again, He never fails to get me out of the pits.
Back to packing. Call the search party if I'm not back in 3 days.
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